GAMES FOR HYSTERICAL COUPLES – GAME 5: TALK DIRTY TO ME (PART 3)
When the game becomes more actively played by both, it takes off on its own. The dirty talk will have a liberating effect on both partners, since this forbidden language, as well as the ideation behind it, are being repressed and hence are blocking both true love and sex. The language and the sex alike become more abandoned with each playing of the game.
The final step is to discuss the significance of the dirty talk—what it means to both partners, how it “feels,” and even where it comes from. This step is very important, for without it the game will simply be an enactment of the fantasies without resolving the block that creates the need for the fantasies. This reminds me of the male patient I wrote about in the book’s Introduction, who was seduced by the young woman who wanted him to talk dirty to her while she sucked her thumb. While such enactment of one’s sexual fantasies is gratifying, it is not therapeutic. Instead, it becomes a repeating pattern that feeds upon itself while never really achieving the ultimate satisfaction of a real connection.
Talking about the experience of using common language during sex—discussing one’s need to talk dirty or to hear dirty talk—leads to insight about how one’s natural feelings about sex got to be derailed and one’s capacity for unhindered tenderness was blocked. It moves the experience out of the level of compulsive acting-out to a higher level of awareness, trust, and bond-building. When that happens, sex transcends the realm of ritual and becomes rich with a deeper meaning.
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Tags: Men’s Health